What's up?
by MajorSamanthaCarter
Summary: What's up? The sky. Something is messing with the human and faerie satellites orbiting Earth. But what is it? Cos' aliens don't exist, right? A/H ON HIATUS
1. Chapter 1: Bad day

**Author's note: sorry this is my first fanfic! Please don't eat me… I have no idea what I'm doing… **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Artemis Fowl, or any of the characters. (I wish I did, but Eoin Colfer's the genius here).**

* * *

_**Chapter one: Bad day**_

**Police Plaza, Haven**

"D'arvit!" Captain Holly Short of the LEP swore, as she tripped over Foaly's latest invention – the thingamajig 3000 – for the third time that day.

"Foaly!" she picked up the thing and stalked into the ops booth, where Foaly was laughing at her over the spy-cam. He jumped in surprise when she came into the room and started yelling at him. "What does this stupid thing even _do?_" she shook the object.

"Aaaah! Don't hurt it!" Foaly cried, jumping across the room and taking it out of her hands.

"But what does it _do?_"

Foaly looked slightly sheepish. "Ummm… well you see… I'm not quite sure…"

"_Foaly!"_ Holly cried, exasperated. You could tell she'd been having a bad day.

"But look! It's really cool! See, if I press this button…" he pressed the button. Nothing happened.

Without another word, Holly rolled her eyes and stalked out of the room. Foaly grunted and tossed the thing in the trash. "Stupid piece of junk." He muttered, then turned back to his work.

Leaving a note on her desk, Holly grabbed a set of wings and took the first shuttle to Tara. As soon as she was in the air, she disconnected her helmet communications and let out a long groan. What a day. The police plaza had been snowed under with civilians, all protesting about the recent connection problems – apparently one of their satellite dishes was down, and all of Havens TV and radio communications had been cut off. Not to mention that Foaly had been pestering her all day about multiple new inventions. She knew he was one of her best friends, but he could sure get annoying sometimes.

Opening her visor, Holly took a deep breath of the pollutant laced, but nonetheless fresh air. It felt good to be above ground. Maybe while she was there she could pay a visit to some certain mud-men… one in particular…

**Fowl Manor, Ireland**

Artemis groaned. What a day. He'd been trying to teach Miles and Beckett about the Opera, but they'd gotten bored and started painting instead. That was all well and good until 'Professor Miles' had decided to dissect Artemis's Blackberry. Before he'd been able to stop him, the phone was in pieces, and the memory card looking like it had been placed on the ground and had a lead weight dropped on it from the third floor (which it probably had). At least he had all his files on the computer as well, but now he would have to get a new sim card and go through all the fuss of trying to get it registered with the telephone company. He'd spent an hour and a half trying to convey this message to the idiot on the other end of the phone line, before being told that the satellites were down, so service would be temporarily unavailable until they were fixed. Frond knows how long that would take.

What he really needed right now was a nice relaxing chat with an old friend. Maybe he should call Holly…

Speak of the devil. Just as he was about to call her, he noticed a slight haze above his desk. It could just be a trick of the light, or it could be…

"Holly!" Artemis grinned as Holly materialised in font of him. "It's good to see you!"

"It's good to see you too, Arty." She hugged him, and grinned as he winced at the name. "You've grown!"

"Have I? You haven't!" Artemis grinned back. "I can't have grown that much. It's only been 2 months since the last crisis."

After Artemis and Holly returned from the past, the LEP had eventually caught Opal Koboi, who was attempting to spring herself from jail. It had been a near thing, but in the end they managed to wipe her and send her back to her own time. Now things were fairly quiet down in Haven, save for the occasional dwarf-goblin skirmish and the recent satellite problems.

"Speaking of crisis… what is it this time?" Artemis said.

"What, can't a friend come to say hello without there being a disaster at hand?"

Artemis would have replied, but a voice from his computer interrupted. It was Foaly.

"Actually, Holly you're wrong. There is a disaster. We need you back at Have as soon as possible. Preferably 5 mins ago. And bring the mud boy."

"Good to see you too, Foaly." Artemis muttered as the connection terminated. Then, to Holly "If it's that urgent, I'd say we'd better go."

**

* * *

**

Can you hear the little blue button? It's saying '

_**push meeee… Puuuussshhh meeeeee… REEEVVIIEEWW…**_

**:D **


	2. Chapter 2: Aliens?

**A/N: hello again! Second chapter is up! I hope you all like it… by the way; can someone please tell me what OOC means? What with me having only joined, like, a week ago… I figured everything else out, but that just discombobulated me…**

**Disclaimer: I dont own Artemis Fowl, or characters, etc, etc...**

* * *

Artemis, Holly and Juliet filed into the room, where Commander Trouble Kelp and Wing Commander Vinyáya were waiting for them. To the side was a disconcertingly life-like projection of Foaly. He was eating a carrot.

It had been explained to them in the shuttle on the way down that Foaly wouldn't be able to see them in person, as the council had all but locked him in the ops booth to work on the satellite issue.

"Glad to see that you're working hard at saving the world" said Artemis dryly.

Foaly whinnied, and shoved the rest of the carrot into his mouth.

"Well, now that the happy couple has arrived, we can get started," he said, spraying little bits of 3D carrot everywhere, and ignoring the glares he was getting from Holly and Artemis.

"We are not-" they said in unison, before realising that everyone in the room was trying very hard not to laugh, save Foaly who was practically in stitches. They glared at him until he had recovered enough to ask; "Where's Butler?"

"I'm here." Said Juliet, covering her desire to laugh by getting annoyed instead. "If you're talking about Dom, we left him at Fowl manor to take care of the twins until Mr and Mrs Fowl get back from America."

Suddenly, Trouble coughed. "Can I be excused?" he asked, with a certain degree of embarrassment, and then made his way to the men's room.

"Just start without him, Foaly. He's heard it all before, and if we don't get started soon, we'll be here til' Christmas." said Vinyáya.

"Ok then…" Foaly switched to lecture mode. "Now, I'm sure you've heard about the recent troubles with the satellites. One by one, they've all been disappearing…" he paused for effect. "Including ours."

"Do we know who's doing this?" asked Artemis, as calm as always. "It can't be humans, as I'm assuming your satellites are shielded…?"

"Of course our satellites are shielded! But it can't be one of the People, either. I'm sure we would have found out if it was. We don't even have the technology to get a shuttle to the satellites without being seen."

"Then who – or what – could it be?" asked Holly. This was getting more serious by the minute.

"Ummm… well… this is going to sound pretty stupid…" Foaly shifted uncomfortably.

"Go on." Artemis prompted.

Foaly took a deep breath, as if to steady himself.

"We think it might be aliens." He said, and would have continued if not for the fact that at that moment, a strange light filled the room, and everyone disappeared, leaving only the flickering projection of a very bemused-looking centaur.

**so listen to the purple button... its calling you...**

**and if u review, i will send you a metaphorical dancing phisch!**


	3. Chapter 3: Disorientations

**well, im back! sorry to all the people who reviewed and didn't get their dancing phisch, or any reply at all- my email's been stuffing up. also sorry 4 taking so long to upload this. i've been mentally slapping myself for the past few days to actually write this. but hey, i got there eventually. thanx 2 all my loyal reviewers. :D as to the all of you who read but didn't review... i am sending u a metaphorical angry mob, complete with torches and pitchforks. humph. **

**disclaimer: y do we even bother doing this? sure, im eoin colfer, writing this story under cover of a teenage girl who's obsessed with stargate. i own all the characters, plots, ect. now how many of you are going to believe me? (4 the record, i dont actually mean that. any lawyers wishing to sue me may completely disregard the last few sentences though if you _were_ trying to sue me, you'd want that evidence...) i hope i hav now thoroughly discombobulated you all, so ill just shut up now...**

**Police Plaza, Haven**

Commander Trouble Kelp walked into the room where Holly, Artemis, Juliet and Wing Commander Vinyáya had previously been sitting. He swore. Loudly.

"What in Frond's name is going on here?!" he yelled. "Foaly! I swear, if this is some sort of d'arvitting joke, I am going to dock your pay for the next millennia!"

Foaly winced. Why did everyone always yell at him?

"This is not a joke, I swear!" They just disappeared in a flash of light! I had nothing to do with it!" Foaly did not like pay-related threats.

Trouble steadied himself. "And why did they disappear Foaly?" he asked in a dangerous voice.

"I-I don't know" Foaly stuttered

"Can you find out where they are?" Trouble was apparently getting calmer.

Foaly wasn't fooled.

"Ummm… no….wait … Yes!" A small, flashing light appeared on the desk. Holly was sending him a message.

**Unknown Location (duh)**

Holly switched on her helmet com. If she could contact Foaly, maybe he could trace her and find them.

"Foaly!" She said, as soon as a connection was established.

"Holly! Where …."

"Don't talk, just listen. Artemis, Juliet, Vinyáya and I are captive. I have NO idea where we are, or who has captured us. Artemis and the others are still unconscious. I only just woke up myself. Try and track us, but hurry up. I don't know how much time we have before they find --"

The connection was cut and Holly settled down to wait hoping that Foaly would be able to track them….

**Police Plaza, Haven**

"D'arvit!!" swore Trouble, who had heard everything through the speaker. "Can you trace that?"

"Of course I can!" said Foaly, tapping away at the keyboard. He stopped, staring at the screen, in disbelief. "Oh, Frond"

"What? What is it? Where are they?" asked Trouble, annoyed at not knowing what Foaly had found.

"Commander, you're not going to believe this …" said Foaly

"WHAT?" Trouble was almost screaming in frustration.

"T-they appear to be somewhere in orbit around earth … on a spaceship…."

**Said spaceship, Earth's orbit**

Artemis groaned. Why did everything hurt so much? Where was he? Last he could remember he was back at Fowl Manor, with Holly. Holly. Oh, Frond.

"Holly!" he blurted, sitting up quickly and opening his eyes. "Are you all right?"

Juliet sniggered. Artemis would have said something, at least glared, but the sudden movement had given him a massive headache, and he slipped back into unconsciousness.

* * *

Artemis awoke a few minutes later and this time cautiously opened his eyes. He blinked a bit until his vision cleared.

He appeared to be in a perfectly square room, no, a cell. There were no windows or doors. The walls were completely black – devoid of any feature, with the exception of a large, plasma screen that took up most of the opposite wall, and the room was lit with a strange light that did not appear to be coming from anywhere as there were no light globes of any sort.

As to the other occupants of the cell, Vinyáya was running her hands along the wall, trying to find a door or window, or indeed any kind of opening (she didn't appear to be succeeding). Juliet was sitting against a wall painting her nails, and Holly was sitting next to him, waiting for him to return to the realm of the conscious. She looked worried.

Artemis twitched, and made an attempt to sit up. It didn't work, but it did turn Holly's attention towards him.

"Artemis! You're all right!" she said with relief. She looked as though she was about to say more, but she was interrupted by the glow coming from the television. It looked as though their captors had something to say.

* * *

**oh, the drama! now review, else ill send u an angry LEP hit squad. BE SCARED.**

**(and snaps for those who _do_ review... :D)**


End file.
